Dad, I Want A Truck!

This last weekend was pretty awesome.  I got to see my best friend who flew to Texas to preach at the Alvin Healing Rooms, got absolutely blasted by the power of God and had a pretty radical inner healing and deliverance experience during one of the meetings, and God confirmed a number of things to me that He has been speaking to me recently time and time again throughout the weekend (Special thanks to the Alvin Healing Rooms for hosting the event!).  While there were so many different things God did for me alone this weekend, not to mention the dozens of others present who He also touched, I really want to hone in on something God was speaking to me about—that He is a good dad who wants us as His kids to understand what He is like.

My friend Steve has recently been reminding me that we really need to deal with our father wounds—the pains in our hearts related to our earthly fathers, as well as the incorrect perspectives and the wrong lessons we have learned about what fathers are like.  We all have them—wildly inaccurate views of what being a father is like, and thus have equally inaccurate beliefs about what God, our heavenly Dad, is like.  For instance, my dad wasn’t a bad father as a whole.  He loved me, would tuck us kids in most nights at bed by literally tucking the sheets around us—and we’d then lay still for a while because we didn’t want to get the sheets un-tucked.  My two brothers and I both did that too—because when we got tucked in by him, we felt loved.  On the other hand, my dad had an anger problem.  From knowing his dad, my grandfather, who was a kind of aloof man and hard to connect with emotionally, I would imagine that for my dad his own father relationship was fractured and that presented challenges for him when it came time to be a good father himself.  This isn’t a judgment against my dad either—I believe my dad has done the best he knew how at the time, and when we know better we do better.  God is still working on my dad like He is with you, me, and everyone else.

The reason I tell you all this is that because of the way my earthly dad was, one of the things I learned about fathers is that they’re angry, and that on some level, it is your job as a son to fear your dad.  To be fair, my mom would wait until my dad came home so he could discipline us so the role kind of got pushed on him to a degree as well, but the end result what that I learned on a subconscious level that dad = fear.  Likewise, when it came to dealing with my Heavenly Father, I’ve had the same fear.  I mean, I once experienced a miracle of literal gemstones falling from Heaven and hitting my body (you can read about it in my book Gemstones From Heaven) and while I was trying really hard to enjoy the miracle, I was simultaneously really afraid God was going to drop a big one right on my groin.  That alone should tell you that I have had some really messed up perceptions about what our Heavenly Father is like.  I connected God with fear and pain, so what I expected from Him was, well, not very much.

Jesus, on the other hand, was my Big Brother.  I’ve always felt close to him because he is kind.  He loves me and cares about me and helps me heal my hurts and pains.  And the Holy Spirit and I?  We’re friends.  But the Father?  Well, deep down I’m always watching out for Him because I find it hard to trust Him.  Why?  Because I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and Him to do something to justify the fear I feel toward “father.”

Well, God has been upgrading my beliefs, and right now He is working on my view of Him as Dad.  My buddy Tyler said something this weekend that God was showing him, and it so ministered to me.  He said that God was challenging him about how when one of his kids wants something, he goes out of his way to get them that thing as soon as he can—and God was like “If that’s what you’re like, what do you think I’m like?”  It reminds me of that verse in Matthew 7:11 that says, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”  Well, he was like, “Okay Dad, I want a truck!”  Well, he shared that with a few of us over a meal after the evening meeting, and I was like “That’s fantastic!”  And really, it is.  It is such a healthier view of God our Father than I have had for a while.  So, I’m working on calling Him “Dad”.  Why?  Because the term “father” to me is formal and distant.  I don’t call my earthly dad “father” so why would I distance God from me by doing that?

Well, not thirty minutes later, I decided to put this idea into practice.  I had driven from outside of Austin to Alvin, an almost three hour drive, and figured I would find a place to sleep for the night after the meeting.  Well, sitting at this restaurant I decided to pray a quick prayer.  “Dad, I really want a place to stay tonight that I don’t have to pay for.”  No more than three seconds had passed since I told my Heavenly Dad that when Brenda, the woman next to me, asked where I was staying for the night.  I told her I hadn’t found a place yet and she made a nearby hotel recommendation—then following it up with “I haven’t stayed there myself, so I don’t entirely know for sure.”  I told her “Well, I literally just finished praying about a place to stay right before you asked me, so if that place is what you suggest, that’s what I’ll do.”  And truly, when we left I was going to go find that hotel and stay there for the night.

As Heavenly Dad would have it, just a few moments later she asked me “well, do you need to shower in the morning?”  A strange question to some, maybe, but as a nurse I ask lots of weird questions so I’m pretty open about stuff.  I told her no, that I had showered that afternoon right before I drove to Alvin, so I wasn’t necessarily planning on showering the next morning.  She said, “Okay then, as long as you don’t need a shower . . .” and then she offered me a place to stay for the night at a local prayer room she runs that had couches and a bathroom—really all I actually needed for a decent night’s rest.

Well, the meetings were amazing, I got hugely touched by Heaven as I mentioned before, and after the meetings were done and I was driving home, the sky grew dark and it started raining.  It then went from rain to a torrential downpour and I had to slow down because of the sheer quantity of water on the road.  As I drove out of the storm it was early evening and the sun was low in the sky, and I wanted to see a rainbow.  I began looking around for one but couldn’t see very far behind me and continue safely driving.  Well, since God is teaching me this lesson about what He is actually like, I figured I’d give it another try.  I prayed, “Dad, I want to see a rainbow!”  I continued looking for a few moments and then pulled over.  In between the time I prayed and pulled over (because it wasn’t there moments before), a beautiful double-rainbow filled the sky and I could see the whole arch from one side to the other (the pictures don’t do it justice).  I could sense God confirming to me yet again that I need to change my view of Him as my Heavenly Dad and that when the Bible says things like “Ask whatever you wish in my name and it will be done for you (John 15:16b)” and “Ask and it will be given to you (Matthew 7:7a)” that God actually means it.

I am continuing this process of changing my view of what my Heavenly Dad is like.  I’m having to look at why I believe the wrong things I believe about Him, look at how those ideas got there, and then be intentional about choosing to believe something different (as well as get healing from the hurts associated with those inaccurate beliefs).  In this case, I’m also changing my expectations and am starting to expect better from Heavenly Dad than I have prior to now.  It’s a process, but God is committed to transforming my view of Him to see Him for who He truly is!  What am I doing with this knowledge?  Well, the battery in my truck is dead, again, and the engine likes to cut out when you go slowly in reverse.  I’d really like a blue crew cab 250/2500 truck that runs well, so my prayer right now is, “Dad, I want a truck!”